Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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