There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm really busy with my period
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