I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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