It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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