Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
