the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
