I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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