He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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