Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
