Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
