My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
