think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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