if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
