dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
