I faked an abortion last night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
