Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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