fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
