Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
