When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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