i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
