dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
