whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
