Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my liver is dry heaving
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
