Nicole vs. Life
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
