I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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