It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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