You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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