Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
