I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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