Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
