I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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