Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
