Tell her she can't have a vagina
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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