she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
