I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
