i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
