Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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