Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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