i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
