bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
