i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
