I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize