Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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