my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i love accidental penises.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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