i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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