Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
