It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize