Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
