She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
