hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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