just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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