I puked a lego.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
