you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
