Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
