508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
