My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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