p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There r osticjed everywhere
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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