I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
