I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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