Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
