I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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