We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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