Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
