**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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