She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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