Christians are straight up FREAKS
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
